Monday, September 7, 2009

Sorry I Raped You; I'm a Sex Addict!

by Pat Brown

I made a comment on The Today Show last week that there was no such thing as sex addiction, and my commentary immediately netted me this email:

"Just saw you on the Today Show. There's no such thing as a 'sex addict?' Open your eyes, grasshopper. With whoppers like that, it won't be long before people question and doubt EVERYTHING that comes out of your mouth."

Yeah, well, he signed his real name, but he could have just written "Sex Addict." I bet his wife caught him viewing on-line pornography again or found the motel receipts.


I didn't back down. Later that evening on Issues with Jane Velez-Mitchell:

It was that kind of day until I got an email from Dr. Stanton Samenow, author of Inside the Criminal Mind and numerous other books, renowned psychologist, and my hero. He wrote:

"As a forensic psychologist, I was delighted to hear you say that there is no such thing as 'sexual addiction.' I have testified to this in civil (child custody) and criminal cases. This was a breath of fresh air."

Thank God. Someone with sense. Someone who doesn't buy into excuses for poor and illegal behavior. Dr. Samenow, like myself, believes in free will and individual choice.

But aren't we also affected by our upbringing? Of course we are. But if we blame our upbringing for everything we do, we might as well abolish the penal system and simply offer therapy. It's not that you can't keep it in your pants or that your pants are approaching little girls and unwilling women; no, it's that you are a sex addict. Yes, let's roll out the latest excuse for committing heinous crimes: sex addiction!

Who knew that wanting lots of sex meant one has to rape and murder to get enough? I guess since paying for it is breaking the law, one wouldn't want to do that; rape is the only answer. I have some "addictions" myself. I have a thing for Diet Pepsi, but I can't remember having shoplifted the sodas from convenience stores in recent months.

Manuel Garrido, father of Phillip Garrido (pictured left), the vile creature who kidnapped then 11-year-old Jaycee Lee Dugard and imprisoned her for eighteen years in his backyard, says this of his son:
"He was a sex addict, that was his problem. I believe my son killed the prostitutes."

Dad is referring to prostitutes who oddly disappeared near one of the locations Phillip Garrido worked. Dad thinks his son liked having sex with prostitutes. Dad also says he thinks Phillip and his wife, Nancy (pictured in court below),
chose to kidnap a girl to "give them babies after discovering they could not have children together."



Clearly, since Jaycee Dugard had children by Garrido when she was 14 and 17, she was raped. But was this so that Garrido could have children or sex-on-demand? He liked the idea of sex slaves, so I'm guessing the sex angle is more believable than the need to procreate. Garrido raped little girls and had sex with prostitutes. How does this logically connect to some supposed label like sex addict?

First, let's look at the definition for this supposed "disease" or "syndrome" from Medicinenet.com:

"The term 'sexual addiction' is used to describe the behavior of a person who has an unusually intense sex drive or an obsession with sex. Sex, and the thought of sex, tend to dominate the sex addict's thinking, making it difficult to work or engage in healthy personal relationships. Sex addicts engage in distorted thinking, often rationalizing and justifying their behavior and blaming others for their behavior. They generally deny they have a problem and make excuses for their actions.

"Sexual addiction also is associated with risk-taking. A person with a sex addiction engages in various forms of sexual activity, despite the potential for negative and/or dangerous consequences. In addition to damaging the addict's relationships and interfering with his or her work and social life, a sexual addiction also puts the person at risk for emotional and physical injury. For some people, the sex addiction progresses to involve illegal activities, such as exhibitionism (exposing oneself in public), making obscene phone calls, or molestation. However, it should be noted that sex addicts do not necessarily become sex offenders."

Behaviors associated with sexual addiction include:
Compulsive
masturbation
Multiple extra-marital affairs
Multiple or anonymous sexual partners and/or one-night stands
Consistent use of pornography
Unsafe sex
Phone or computer sex (cyber sex)
Prostitution or use of prostitutes
Exhibitionism
Obsessive dating through personal ads
Voyeurism (watching others) and/or stalking
Sexual harassment
Molestation/
rape

Phillip Hodson, fellow of the British Association for Counseling and Psychotherapy, thinks the concept of sexual addiction is rot. He calls supposed sex addition a behavior better described as obsessive, compulsive or greedy. He further comments that successful men - say, someone like Roman Polanski (little girls), Michael Jackson (little boys), or Michael Douglas (young beautiful women he hoped his wife didn't find out about) - because "some very successful men have a habit of thinking they can get away with anything, especially behavior they view as exciting," he says.

Michael Douglas' first wife divorced him because he was a womanizer. She must have been right because he was likely already bedding Catherine Zeta-Jones, an actress young enough to be his daughter (young thing pictured left with old thing). Apparently sexual addiction for Douglas is so target-specific, he never hit on women his own age.

But Douglas was merely a cad. He wasn't breaking a law, and he wasn't using the label "sex addict" as anything more than a way to excuse his greed for hot women and bad behavior.

Phillip Garrido's defense lawyer will likely try to toss this label into court. Ryan Jenkins, the millionaire reality-TV star who stuck his murdered wife in a suitcase, had already used "sex addiction" to avoid a jail sentence -- for beating up another woman before beating up Jasmine Fiori, his wife.
Apparently, he suffered from alleged sex addiction just as much as his victim suffered from its result. When girls wouldn't give it up, he got ticked off.

Using this logic, all crimes would fall under the same category: "entitlement," as in "I should get what I want or else."

Jenkins had no trouble getting sex, but because he couldn't get it from everyone he wanted whenever he wanted, he thought he was deprived. What a greedy little bastard! He had zero empathy for the women; apparently, their needs and desires didn't matter. Jenkins was found hanging in a hotel room in British Columbia in August, choosing suicide over life in prison. I guess he wouldn't be able to feed his kind of sex addiction behind bars, poor baby.

Phillip Garrido could get sex. He could get a lot of sex from prostitutes if he weren't such a cheap schmuck. What does killing these women have to do with getting sex, unless you don't want to pay or you like murdering women? He also could get sex from his wife, who clearly made a fine doormat. But that wasn't good enough for him. So what was his real problem? He gave us a clue when he told one of his rape victims that the Romans were lucky to have sex slaves.

Garrido wanted a sex slave. Not because he can't control himself, but because he likes control over others. Sex is not the problem.
Mr. Hudson puts it correctly when he talks about the adrenaline rush being the real issue. Sex provides an adrenaline rush. So does sex with women 20 years younger than you, sex with your next-door neighbor's wife, raping little girls. Ditto for knocking over a convenience store, robbing people, and killing the innocent. Even that chocolate I love causes an adrenaline spike.

Everything we like to do and feels good to us comes with an adrenaline boost. But the difference between Garrido's adrenaline rush and mine is legality. This is why we make laws. It's true that the adrenaline rush I get whenever I chomp down a Toblerone dark chocolate bar could encourage me to eat my way into diabetes and heart failure, hurting myself, hurting others. But this self-destructive behavior is not illegal. I overeat, cause myself pain, cause others pain, they run away, and I pay the price.

Garrido has broken the law, and no phony addiction label should be used to house him in a mental facility until he gets his supposed addiction under control.

Sexual addiction seems to be the rage for explaining away kidnapping, rape, and murder. Even if one decides to follow a path that might lead to destructive behavior (excessive masturbation, sex with strangers, sadism, etc.), the choice to step over the legal line and force violent perversions on others is not a psychiatric matter. It's a legal one. Let's keep it that way.

14 comments:

Steve said...

Finally, somebody with the brains and courage to blow this so-called "disorder" out of the water and call it what it is. Thank you!

This is one of those terms which has driven me crazy for years, just hearing it. I originally checked your article because of the title, and I must say it's appropriate!

Jurorthirteen said...

I, too, am sick of the excuses. Thanks for writing this article!!!

Suzan said...

Sexual desire is a physical drive, when it is accomplished the body rewards with a chemical called dopamine. I believe this is the rush you are referring too. Just as with food, or even exercise the body has it's reward systems in place. What is not done in moderation can become a course of 'habit' from the emotional side of the brain..thoughts that propel us to use our choice of getting the dopamine dump.

Rape, Kidnapping, torture, molestation, and so on... Are brought about by control issue's. The person doing these acts may get a dopamine dump after completing the act, but it is not driven by the bodies need of 'a rush', however that is the reward in the latter. The control issue a person harbors is not linked to sex as the cause..therefore they cannot be labeled 'sex addicts'. They would better be labeled "Control Addicts"

If you were to remove the penis from these actors, they would continue on the path of abuse, kidnapping, murder.. Physical violence etc.

Simply put.. Sex is the by-product of these sort of criminal minds. The collecting of artifacts from conquests, the need for prestige', Pride in being crafty, Anger and Revenge, those are the culprits: thoughts that are not able to be controlled. The Actor who cannot suppress his urges acts out through anger to have a form of control, as they cannot control their own inner being/thoughts.

Jaycee's abductor: He merely used his wife's excuse to want children, to act out on his Raging 'control issues'.

Good article, but I question using chosen actors to get your point across. :)

Pat Brown said...

Yes, sex crimes are simply power and control crime using sex as a weapon.

As for the actors, I wanted to point out that not only criminals use sex addiction as an excuse. Average human beings use excuses for poor behavior, celebrities use excuses for poor behavior and criminals use excuses for poor behavior. But, criminals have committed a criminal act and their excuses for doing so shouldn't affect the legal ramifications of committing an illegal act against another human being.

Suzan said...

I am in total agreement :)

(I just thought using their picture in such an article might be hurtful)

Rose said...

Good for you for having the balls to speak it, sister.

The only victim, is the victim.

If it were otherwise, then you could call me a victim of chocolate cake.

Pat Brown said...

What? You have been a victim of that serial chocolate cake too? Please join CCEA..Chocolate Cake Eaters Anonymous, Thursday nights at Big Cake Bakery.

Tamfish said...

"Sex addict simply means "I don't want to have sex in a moral, ethical, or legal manner, so I'm going to blame my choices on that."

"I have a thing for Diet Pepsi, but I can't remember having shoplifted the sodas from convenience stores in recent months."

Two of the best quotes EVER.

Leah said...

Great post, Pat. I missed you on TV discussing this. I have heard from at least 2 different Psychologists that there is no such thing as sexual addiction....makes perfect sense to me. I suspect it is just the thing to justify the bad behavior, as you have already said. People don't want to have to deal with their character flaws and shortcomings. Basically they just don't want to have to suffer.....just like someone overweight doesn't want to have to change their eating habits in order to lose weight and become more healthy. Very sad!

Anonymous said...

I AM BEGGING FOR HELP WITH A SERIAL RAPIST CASE.

I AM CERTAIN THAT THE ONLY REASON THAT THIS MAN IS GETTING AWAY WITH IT.

IS BECAUSE HE IS RAPING WOMEN IN THE WORKPLACE.

I KNOW THAT IS A CRIME UNDER FEDERAL LAW

NO WOMAN SHOULD HAVE TO LEAVE HER JOB

IT IS THE RAPIST THAT SHOULD BE REMOVED FROM THE WORKPLACE.

HE DID MORE THAN A DOZEN WOMEN BEFORE ME.

RIGHT OUT IN PUBLIC

I AM SURE THE FEDERAL COURT AT PHILADEPHIA IS THE REASON THAT THIS GUY IS GETTING AWAY WITH IT

SOMEONE CONFUSED CIVIL SUITS
WITH CIVIL LAW

HE RAPES WOMEN IN THE WORKPLACE,
THE WOMEN GET FIRED OR LEAVE

GO FILE A CHARGE WITH THE EEOC
GO FILE A COMPLAINT IN US. DISTRICT COURT OF EASTERN PA


THEY ARE VERY LITERALLY, LETTING THE RAPIST STAY IN THE WORKPLACE

AND PUTTING THE WOMEN OUT OF THE WORKPLACE.


I AM REAL SURE THAT IS A VIOLATION OF FEDERAL LAW.

BUT, I AM ALSO SURE, AT THIS POINT, THAT IT IS THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT THAT IS ALLOWING THIS.

SO, HOW DO I GET THAT RAPIST IN PRISON

HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN DOING MANDATORY LIFE, LONG BEFORE I WAS SENT TO WORK THERE

I DID REPORT IT TO LAW ENFORCEMENT
BUT, THE POLICE DON'T EVEN ARREST HIM ANYMORE

HE CATCHES YOU IN HIS OFFICE, AND HE RAPES YOU

AND NOTHING ANYONE WILL DO ABOUT IT.

THE GUY HAS BEEN DOING THIS AT THE SAME LOCATION FOR MANY YEARS

WHY ARE A DOZEN WOMEN OUT OF JOBS
AND THE RAPIST STAYS IN THE WORKPLACE??


BOTTOM LINE - THE GUY IS A SICK ANIMAL

HE RAPES WOMEN FOR SPORT

THEY SEND YOU TO COUNSELING

TELL YOU TO GET ANOTHER JOB
(THAT'S THE WAY CLARENCE AND ANITA GOT THINGS "WORKED OUT")

SO NOW, THEY ARE DOING IT TO ALL THE WOMEN.

WHO IS IT EXACTLY THAT PULLS THE RAPIST OUT OF THE WORKPLACE??


PLEASE, SOME WOMAN IN CRIME PLEASE HELP ME

SO FAR, IT HAS BEEN WHITE MALE POLICE, WHITE MALE JUDGES

I HAVE AN ORDER ON A FEDERAL COURT THAT STATE FELONY RAPE IN THE WORKPLACE IS NOT A CRIME UNDER FEDERAL LAW....

NO KIDDING, THE GUY IS A FEDERAL COURT JUDGE

THE DOJ TOLD ME THEY DON'T PROSECUTE RAPE

WHY NOT?/ IT IS IN THE WORKPLACE

WHY ISN'T SOMEONE PULLING RAPISTS OUT OF THE WORKPLACE...

RATHER THAN PROCESSING CASE FILES ON ALL THE RAPED WOMEN

I DON'T THINK THEY ARE DOING THIS TO BLOCK LAWSUITS

I THINK THE FED CAME UP WITH A SYSTEM THAT IS ALLOWING WHITE MALES TO RAPE

AS LONG AS THEY ARE DOING IT IN THE WORKPLACE...

WHAT IS A "SETTLEMENT" ON A FELONY RAPE CHARGE????

FORCED SETTLEMENTS, DEMANDS FOR NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENTS

ALL OF THIS IS TOO SICK FOR ME

I WAS A CELIBATE FOR 20 YEARS

I HONESTLY DID NOT KNOW THAT THEY WERE LETTING THEM RAPE WOMEN IN THE WORKPLACE NOW

I AM SURE THAT IS AGAINST THE LAW
I AM SURE THAT IS THE ONLY REASON THAT THIS IS WORKING FOR HIM

PLEASE, A WOMAN IN CRIME THAT WANTS TO BUST A REALLY SICK RAPIST..

I HAVE ONE FOR YOU
THE LOCAL POLICE ARE HIS BUDDIES

THE POLICE HAVE BEEN WATCHING HIM RAPE WOMEN FOR YEARS

SOMEONE WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT THE WOMEN SHOULD QUIT THIER JOBS ????

I AM BEGGING FOR HELP TO BUST THIS GUY

DID SOMEONE THINK THEY SHOULD BE PULLING RAPISTS OUT OF THE WORKPLACE,

IT WAS NOT THE FEDERAL COURT AT PHILLY OR THE PA STATE POLICE

I CAN BE REACHED AT MY E-MAIL ADDRESS.

BEVERLYPRATHER@EARTHLINK.NET

Anonymous said...

Wait. Is it not possible that you are talking about 2 mutually exclusive things?
Being a sex addict doesn't excuse illegal activity any more than being an alcoholic excuses drunk driving...one is a condition the other is a crime.
I recently had an ex girlfriend that I would most definitely define as a sex addict.
Here's the thing...substitute "sex" for booze. She would indulge in self destructive, offensive behavior and blame it on the booze...she would make excuses in order to get booze, she put the pursuit of booze over the feelings of others....
I could go into specifics, but the point is, she acted like the WORST drug addict or alcoholic....but her issue was with sex.
I don't agree with the model of addiction as a disease but you can't deny that addiction as a type of mental disorder exists....and sex addiction is one of them.
I abhor anybody using their disorder as an excuse for illegal behavior, but to deny that there IS a disorder I think is myopic.

J. Charles Brister said...

Yeah, I do think it is kind of knee-jerk demagoguery to deny that a person can't become addicted to a physical and psychological high and the life destroying consequences it can cause to the person simply because it relies on a physical and anatomical process to achieve, rather than external substances.

I'm not saying that a person deserves special treatment or that they should be excused of their crimes or transgressions because of this, but flatly denying that it exists smacks of a lack of knowledge of psychology and pride in the lack of knowledge.

Pat Brown said...

Habit and desire is what too many people label addiction. One can stop smoking on a dime IF the reason to stop is truly stronger than the reason to smoke. What makes it so difficult? I don't believe it is the nicotine. It is the fact that smoking is a ritual that is repeated over and over throughout the day. It is a habit, something one enjoys doing, something that gives someone something to do, over and over, all day long. When one is driving in dull rush hour traffic, one can puff and puff on a cigarette. When one is waiting at a bar (well, now outside the bar) one can light up and amuse oneself while standing around. When one gets together with friends there is something to fill the time in between speaking or while listening. Smoking is a lot of fun and, if one inhales on a cigarette some fifteen times per unit, multiply that by a pack a day one (I can't count this), a person may repeat that motion 300-400 times a day! Now, decide to quit (just because you thought you could save money or because you think it would be healthier not to smoke) and get in the car in the morning. Dull ride to work. Now you stand at the bar and stuff you hands in your pockets and pace. Then you get together with your buds and they smoke and you twiddle your thumbs. Dang, wouldn't it be nice to smoke. What do you replace doing something 300-400 times a day with? Same goes for eating, drinking Diet Pepsi (twist bottle cap, swig, replace bottle cap, twist bottle cap, swig, replace bottle cap). Habits are habitual..heh...and when you stop them, there are empty spaces that feel odd and long. Plus, you liked doing those things and now you can't do them. This is not addiction; this is liking to do something, doing it a lot, and then giving up what you like doing and not having something to do.

Everyone likes to have sex (if one has someone good to do it with or someone (in the case of a rapist) to do it to. If one can, one will, unless restrained by morals, or health issues, or legality. One chooses to do or not to do it. Just like everything else in life. Even drug users have quit on the spot as well. They suffer the pain of withdrawal but they can stop. Even using drugs is a choice.

cheryl said...

There's a teeny bit of truth in that white trashy bumper sticker I've seen that states "I'm not an alcoholic- they go to meetings. I'm a drunk."

One does not choose to be a type 1 diabetic. You are born with it, and there's nothing pleasurable about it. I have a big problem with calling things that people find pleasurable "diseases".

I don't give a hoot or holler about what the AMA or AA or any other organization has to say about the matter. I drank for years. Because I liked it. I NEVER drank and drove. The drinking got me into a bit of hot water here and there, because my family freaked out about it. I drank because I liked the way it made me feel. I stopped because it was an unhealthy way of living. I knew it all along, but didn't care at the time.

My body, of course became accustomed to alcohol (which is addiction) and I had to go through a few days of not feeling so hot, but I brought it on myself with my decisions to keep on drinkin'.

I wonder if people who claim to be sex addicts go through a similar "withdrawal"? Do they pewk and get diareah, and see hallucinations?