Tuesday, December 29, 2009


by Katherine Scardino

I thought I'd get your attention with the title to my post this week. What a year! How about that Tiger Woods, eh? What a man! I read a comment by Donald Trump, the icon of faithfulness, who said “Tiger Woods is going to be hotter than ever before.” Well, perhaps so. Being a married man and having an extramarital affair does seem to be de riguer this year. We've read the statistics about the large number of women in the United States who have been raped. One statistic from 2004, its reliability subsequently questioned, was one in four women. Even if it were one in 10 women, that's still a horrifying number -- especially if you are a woman in the United States. Each of you have 10 female friends. Look around you. Statistically, either you or one of your 10 friends will be raped in your lifetimes. Not a pretty picture.

But let’s be realistic. Are we, as a nation and a society, telling the male population that taking advantage of a woman, whether the extreme act of violence against a woman, or having a lustful, consensual relationship that makes your skin tingle -- while married -- is acceptable in our world? Do men not think they're taking advantage of a wife when they have sex with another woman? My comment to men who come to my office and start complaining about their married life is: you got yourself into this situation. If you're not happy, take action. Talk to her. Do something about it -- and that doesn't include having sex on the side. That’s the wimpy way of handling an unhappy marital relationship.

This year, we had a lot of men -- bad boys -- to talk about. Tiger Woods, of course, but then he's turned out to be a total jerk. But since my job is generally to look at both sides of a situation; didn't his wife know what was going on? For whatever reason (maybe 300 million or so of them), she must have decided she preferred to stay where she was. But for that impulsive drive down the driveway into a tree, we probably still wouldn't  know what all he'd  been up to. I still think there was a logical reason why Elin had that golf club in her hand. (Heh, heh...) Bad, bad boy!

South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford gets my vote for the whiniest bad boy. Oh goodness, he flies to Argentina (on taxpayer dollars) to see his long-time mistress while telling his staff, and presumably his wife, that he was hiking the Appalachian Trail. Now, really -- what governor’s staff is going to let their boss go hiking mountain trails by himself, and who would really believe that anyway? What politician doesn't relish the security detail? The whiniest politicians are most likely to see an assassin behind every corner just waiting to knock off his attractive butt. As you can tell, I wasn't impressed with the Sanford story. If he wants to go see his mistress and leave his wife at home, go for it -- but have the cajones to tell Ms. Sanford. She is, after all, his legal partner and the mother of his children. Not nice.

John Edwards. Oh my gawd! Mister Nice Guy; Mister Good Husband and Father; Mister Religious Person; Mister Husband Who Stands Beside His Cancerous Wife: he's a fraud in every way. Actually, he's  scary. If he could convince so many people to believe they might  vote for him in a presidential election, just imagine what he could do with international politics. No, not much to say about John Edwards. He is bad to the core.

Then we had David Letterman. Okay, I admit it -- I like David Letterman, and frankly, I thought he handled the entire “expose” fairly well. He admitted his affair, and he joked about the scandal and about himself to his national audience. I'm sure his wife didn't find it amusing and told him so in an appropriate manner. However, I felt that he handled the indiscretion with a little style and hopefully, those two will work things out. I'm rooting for them.

And, now, a local scandal. One of our Harris County, Texas, county court-at-law judges was accused of official oppression. He didn't actually have sex with another woman, but career-wise, he might as well have had mad, lustful sex in the middle of the courtroom on a Monday morning at 10:00 a.m.  Sitting on the bench one day, he saw an attractive woman  -- a defendant in his courtroom. The judge got her telephone number, called her, and asked her out for dinner. She went. Then she alleged that he'd told her that he would get her a better lawyer if she didn't like her own and, she alleged, he said he wanted a long-term relationship with her. I suppose he gets some credit for not wanting a one-night stand. The District Attorney’s Office sent an investigator to interview the judge in his chambers. The judge talked to the investigator without knowing he was being secretly recorded. The defense tried to attack the credibility and  reputation of the woman. It didn't work. A jury found him guilty.

These are just a few of the many sexual incidents in the news during 2009. Not one was charged with an offense, except the judge in my jurisdiction.  He was tried and found guilty, but only on charges of “official oppression”. The other examples might elicit sympathy for the wife, or in some cases, even the bad boy. You may complain that I've only relayed sexually imprudent incidents committed by the male half of our population. Well, I thought about that -- and other than stupid, young Hollywood bimbos, I can't recall any significant news story involving a woman running off with another man and getting caught. Did I miss something? Hollywood gave us Roman Polanski, again, this year. Sex with a 13-year-old girl in 1977. Really. Was that before or after Woody Allen? Who have I missed??


Anonymous said...

Good lord. Yesterday we get fashion advice and today we get a rundown on cheating men. You may as well change the name of the blog to the National Enquirer.

katherine scardino said...

c'mon guys! We can't have blood and guts every day! Lighten up a bit. But, I will admit that the fashion police and wayward men get boring quicker to mne than the hard stuff!

Leah said...

LOL @ him getting points for wanting a long term relationship - what a guy. Great post Katherine, as usual.

FleaStiff said...

Why do these stories about sports figures and movie stars even make the papers?
Roman Polanski had sex with a 13 year old girl who was very experienced with older lovers and with qualudes. Her prior experiences had been with men who were not particularly vulnerable financially and the mother tried to get money. Only when the mother failed to obtain what she termed compensation was a formal complaint made. The usual penalty for such a situation would be 90 days with most of it suspended and a year on probation.

Woody Allen had a consentual relationship with a 19 year old girl who lived in the next apartment. Big deal. There was no coercion. Not financial, not psychological.

A governor acted like a love struck teen age male? So what wife really thinks of her husband as anything other than the only child you have who never grows up! He should have been more clever and more restrained, but its a private matter, not a public one. Even his political enemies should have kept their yaps shut.

A man cheats on his wife? Egads, go to almost ANY watering hole these days. Women often do better for themselves if they sport a wedding ring, even if they are in fact single. Las Vegas has a yellow pages with 47 pages of ads under Entertainer. Under Las Vegas laws it is legal to arrange for a young lady to come to your hotel room, get naked and "converse". Do all those hotels really think that conversation is all that is going to take place there? Go to any bar on the periphery of a casino, the young ladies draped around the place are not there because they like the soft jazz sounds. At the lower tier casinos you can see girls who admit they are too young to drink or gamble clearly offering themselves to passing males. At some places its as if there were an electronic doggie-fence: the young ladies know exactly where to stop so as not to anger the casino security people too much. And please don't think that a great many married women taking trips to Vegas don't have male visitors. Those hotel surveillance people are not asleep.

So why do these isolated incidents involving movie producers or golfers make the headlines?

A work in progress said...

I think that exposing these men is important. Lying seems to be viewed as nothing these days and the lying is the worst part of the offense, I would say. People who lie and think it is no big deal, don't give a damn about the other people making decisions, sometimes major life decisions, based on their lies.

Serial cheats can also be serial abusers, as I have experienced. And that man's attitude was that as long as he was taking care of the woman at home, there was nothing wrong with some flings on the side, only he doesn't take care of the woman at home, he abuses her.

I think the point about John Edwards and the huge con he pulled is a really good one.

I think that the acceptance of such behaviors is on the increase so bringing it out for a critical look is a good idea. I don't agree with the harping on the Tiger Woods story by the media. I think that was caused by the lazy journalist phenomenon.

Bringing out the fact that lying to one's most intimate partner is seen as no big deal to some people helps explain why there doesn't seem to be much concern over perjury nowadays. Perjury, court, crime, Women In Crime Ink. Life is one long thread, not a series of snippets. Morality is on that thread.

Honesty and integrity are virtues.....and choices.

California Girl said...

Woody, Tiger and Mr. Late Night all prove that homely men are sexually desirable to some.