Adjusting What We Think About Sexual Abusers

by Diane Dimond

We’re pretty good at punishing people who are caught and convicted of sexual abuse. We’re not so good at stopping the abuse in the first place, especially when children are involved. After all these years of open discussion about this scourge why is it still so prevalent?

Because, we keep attacking the problem the same old way!

A new project from the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers, funded by the Ms. Foundation magazine, concludes it is time for us to adjust our collective thinking about sex offenders.

Perhaps the A.T.S.A.’s most important conclusion is that media coverage of abuse monsters has warped our sense of who they really are. Television, news, movies and books mainly focus on the most extreme “stranger danger” cases, those in which a child is kidnapped, sexually assaulted and murdered.

In reality, the sexual abuse of kids doesn’t usually come from outside their circle and murder is extremely rare.

Most often the perpetrator is a relative, a family friend or a trusted authority figure. But if a parent is intent on looking for a monster it’s easy for them to overlook warning signs from those closest to the family.

Another important conclusion? Too often we lump all abusers into one category and label them sex offenders or sexual predators. Not good and not smart.

A serial pedophile is quite different from a teenage boy caught with his underage girlfriend and reported to police by angry parents. Some jurisdictions view an errant nude sunbather or a drunk who exposes himself to urinate in the street as a sex offender. And then, there is the category of children with deeply rooted sexual behavior problems. All have to be handled differently.

It doesn’t keep the community safe when we brand all of these diverse types with the same scarlet letter and make them all become registrants of an official, ever-growing and very public National Sex Registry. Too often that’s exactly what happens.

The just released project paper from the A.T.S.A. calculates that in 2007 and 2008 alone, “More than 1500 sex offender related bills were proposed in state legislatures… over 275 new laws were enacted.” Generally, they did two things: Increased incarceration time and put in place intricate (and costly) monitoring systems and restrictions on where the released offender is allowed to work, live and interact within a community once released back into society.

After the convict does his or her time and returns to life on the outside, it’s as if the deck is forever stacked against them. What chance do they have to succeed if the stigma of being a registered sex offender keeps them from getting a well paying job or finding a place to live that is the mandated distance away from a school or public park? Even trying to join a church is tricky for them. If there is a Sunday school for youngsters on the property many states do not allow the convict to attend services there.

Everything they do for the rest of their lives will be viewed through the lens of their label: Sex Offender.

But, wait a minute, you say, “Once a sex offender always a sex offender, right?" Not necessarily.

Don’t mistake what I write here as being soft on sexual criminals. I am not. In fact, I believe there are career pedophiles that should never, ever, get out of prison. But the latest Department of Justice statistics peg the likelihood of a child molester repeating their crime after they’ve done their time at just 5.3 percent. And, the DOJ study concludes that of the 5.3 percent who do re-offend 40 percent commit another sex crime within a year or less. In other words, that first year back on the outside is a crucial time for them – they either assimilate or they don’t.

The way these offenders are treated – their isolation and loneliness – often causes their closest family members to retreat in shame as well. It has been well documented that relatives of the abusers often struggle with the disgrace and stress that comes with having someone close to them convicted as a sex offender. It’s too bad that our societal scarlet letter brands them as well because family could be our first line of support to help keep the ex-con from re-offending.

I propose we all take a deep breath and stop adding new laws until we can figure out a better way to attack the problem.

First, forget the one-size-fits all category of sex offender. Let’s identify all the varieties of offenders and determine what their range of punishments should be. And, as for our National Sex Offender Registry? Let’s not make the teenaged Romeo carry the stigma around for the rest of his life and let’s give those who have gone on to live law abiding lives for a set number of years the hope – the goal – of getting their names expunged.

We need to start thinking differently about how we define and tackle this problem. We’re smart. We can do better.

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Teachers Behaving Badly

by Anne Bremner 

This post has been written by a dear friend of mine and a true talent, Katherine Kaufmann (pictured left), better known as "Coach Kitty." She has been my personal trainer for years, and she voraciously follows media regarding crimes and legal issues. She always has a sharp and witty opinion about everything she sees, and I'm honored to give her an opportunity to voice that opinion here. Take it away, Coach Kitty! 

I heard a story today about a little girl, just 12 years old, and so cute. What happened to this young girl at the hands of someone who was charged with protecting and educating her is appalling and illegal. Upon entering the sixth grade, Vicki (not her real name) became quite a teacher’s pet. (In all fairness, she did come from a broken home and the teacher was just taking her under his wing, right?) This handsome sixth-grade teacher would invite her to his home for dinner, she joined him on family outings, and he showered her with gifts and attention. What Vicki didn’t know was that like any pedophile worth his salt, Mr. Larson (not his real name) was doing something known as grooming. Alas, he was preparing his young victim for an eventual sexual assault.

By the time Mr. Larson eventually raped Vicki, it seemed to her the natural progression of a close relationship. Although she did know that they were doing something wrong, she never thought it was illegal or really even bad. Remember, she was just 12 years old. Mr. Larson had invited her over for slumber parties with his kids and had shared a sleeping bag with her many times, so by the time he raped her, nothing really seemed amiss for Vicki. After all, Vicki had known Mr. Larson since she was in the second grade and he was her teacher,. She knew his wife and kids, and this must be how things work, right?

Mr. Larson was eventually charged with first-degree rape of a child and sentenced to 30 years in prison. You should have heard the radio and TV pundits in my city where this crime took place. The outrage and fury was palpable. One noted radio talk show host was ready to form a lynch mob to go after Mr. Larson and the people I heard discussing the case at Starbucks were beside themselves with horror. This poor little girl! And this pedophile in our schools--how could this happen? Now, everyone clings a bit closer to their little girls, and every real or perceived threat to them is swiftly investigated.

Okay, here’s the deal. That story is only partly true. The teacher’s name in the real story would have been Mary Kay LeTourneau and the student's name would have been Vili Fualaau. Oh ,and the other part that isn’t quite true is that Mary was only charged with second-degree rape and was sentenced to six months in the county jail and three years of treatment. She was not, however, forced to register as a sex offender. Then, two weeks after her jail sentence ended, LeTourneau was caught having sex with 13-year-old Fualaau in her car and was re-arrested. That time, she was sentenced to 7-1/2 years behind bars, and upon release required to register as a level-two sex offender.

The part where the radio pundits and public were outraged? Meh? Not so much. I actually heard Mary Kay referred to as a “dreammaker” and, if I had a dime for every time the song "Hot for Teacher" by Van Halen was played as an intro to a story about her, well, let’s just say I could quit my day job.

This double standard that society has with the way it reacts to female and male sexual predators is deep and complicated. On one hand, it appears to be rooted partly in the idea that women, unlike men, are incapable of sexual aggression. By the same token, it seems to many, that young boys are willing participants in these sexual encounters. Although both may or may not be true, it seems to me anyway, that it shouldn’t matter. If a child is unable to legally consent to sex before a certain age it is a crime for he, or she to have sex with anyone. If an adult has sex with a child, that act is considered rape. The punishment and social taboo associated with it should be the same for men and women.

Susan Strickland, a 
University of Georgia professor and social worker who treats sex offenders, surveyed 60 women 
serving time for sexual offenses. 
She found that women who have sex with boys:

a. lack the mature relationship skills to partner with men their age;

b. are also motivated by a need for power and control, and they see the boy as a blank slate they can turn into the partner they want;

c. may never have had relationship in which they felt safe.

You know what I say to that? So what? It’s either a criminal act or it’s not. I realize that the motivations between male and female predators might be different, but the outcome is the same. A child is stripped of his or her sense of security, autonomy, and ability to trust. And that is a crime. The society at large would do well to see children as children whether boys or girls. With the same developmental components and emotional capabilities.

In the case of Mary Kay LeTourneau, as well as Debra Lafave (a teacher charged with seducing a 14-year-old boy), the fact that both are blonde and stereotypically pretty has only added to the myth that they were fulfilling boyhood dreams rather than committing crimes. I did notice that the majority of media figures who had this impression were men. Perhaps they can’t see past sixth grade, and, lucky for them, they are now free to act on that hot-for-teacher fantasy they’ve been harboring all this time. However, as long as a child is under the age of consent, women and men who commit these crimes should be treated equally in the eyes of the law and society.

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Pat Brown & Diane Fanning on E!'S 'Fatal Beauty: 15 Most Notorious Women'

Women in Crime Ink's own Pat Brown and Diane Fanning appear on E!'s Countdown: Fatal Beauty: 15 Most Notorious Women on Sunday, May 31 at 9 pm Eastern / 8 pm Central.

No, Pat and Diane didn't make E!'s list of notorious women—they appear on the show talking about some of those who did.

It's a countdown of ordinary women whose notorious crimes have made them pseudo-celebrities. E! investigates the remarkable and tumultuous lives of women who made headlines around the globe, some by committing unthinkable crimes & acts of violence and others whose decisions left us wondering why.

Over the course of two hours it reveals their shocking stories and explores the desperate circumstances that drove them to such extremes. Plus, it’ll look at the ways these sad and horrific events could have been prevented. The show provides a new perspective and keen insight into who these women really are with the help of medical experts, psychologists, law enforcement, and even the very women at the center of these high-profile cases.

Among the fifteen notorious women included in the countdown are these familiar names: Casey Anthony (above right), Karla Homolka, Aileen Wournos, Susan Smith, Carolyn Warmus, Mary Winkler and Karla Faye Tucker left)

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