Apology Not Accepted

by WCI Intern Cassie Nelson

For those of you who have been hiding under a rock or perhaps just returned from a space shuttle voyage, here's the latest Hollywood News: Chris Brown has issued a very public apology for abusing Rihanna in February 2008. He issued the apology in a video released via the Internet. Although he seemed sincere and aware his acts were wrong, I don’t believe he should be forgiven, and if forgiven, not so easily.

As a 17-year-old high school student in a frightening world of ceaseless dangers, I don’t believe individuals should be so easily forgiven solely because they apologized. Once upon a time, heroes were doctors, firefighters, soldiers, and police who lived and worked to save others. It's amazing how so much has changed in so little time. Now our heroes are performers, athletes, and models, who contribute nothing to the world besides exposing talents they were born with, such as outstanding voices, physical strength, height or agility, or beautiful faces and bodies.

An apology issued five months after the incident and coincidentally near the time of Brown’s sentencing makes me curious. Was Brown's apology spurred by true regret for his actions or to gain sympathy in hopes of reducing his sentence?

Everyday I watch as my friends obsess and fantasize about celebrities. It makes me angry that they are so blind-sided by looks and talent that they don’t see that they are praising celebrities who have done horrible things.

I don’t doubt Brown is sorry for what he has done, nor that he wishes each and every day that he hadn’t done it. But that doesn’t make physical abuse OK. Another example of the public's willingness to ignore or forget celebrity misdeeds: the incredible outpouring of love and admiration for Michael Jackson after his death, with few mentions of the many allegations of child abuse directed at the pop star during his life.

While interning with Robin Sax, a former prosecutor of sex crimes, I noticed that when she appeared on top news shows, ranging from the Today Show and ABC News to TV Guide News, she was asked who could be responsible for Michael Jackson’s death. She wasn't asked about the past allegations of sexual abuse. This makes me wonder if death or an apology makes wrongdoing too easily forgiven. People in the pubic eye apologize for all sorts of acts, crimes, and even accidents. An apology is a first step, only that. It doesn’t mean that Chris Brown will never abuse Rihanna or anyone else again.

Our society places too much emphasis on apologies and gives celebrities too much leeway. Saying one is sorry doesn’t make abuse ok, and dying shouldn’t erase allegations of sexual assault. Chris Brown should not be forgiven and his career should not be advanced because of a mere apology.

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Dating Violence That Doesn't Have To Happen

by Diane Dimond

Since when is it okay for your date to scream at you, punch you with a closed fist, bite you, or pull out clumps of your hair? Whoever said it was acceptable to obsessively harangue a date via the Internet or cell phone texting? I'm thinking it is, like, NEVER, EVER okay for anyone to do that to another human being, but apparently not all young people agree with me.

Headlines about a pair of dynamic young singers, Chris Brown and his girlfriend Rihanna (pictured above), and their out-of-control behavior sent shivers down my spine. It seems that every day we learn a little bit more about what happened to leave the beautiful Rihanna bruised and bloodied.

Both these young stars were supposed to appear at the recent Grammy Awards ceremony in Los Angeles. Neither made it. On the night before the ceremony Rihanna was found by police in an expensive sports car outside a pre-Grammy party. By all reports she was crying, bruised all over her face, bleeding from her nose and a split lip and she had bite marks on several areas of her body. It wasn’t long before her 19-year-old boyfriend, Chris Brown, had lawyered up and turned himself in to local police.

We now learn this celebrity couple had been fighting for many days leading up to the Grammy telecast. They’d been seen at a nightclub furiously screaming expletives at each other while a gaggle of record executives (read: Adults) stood around and did nothing.

As a postscript: Chris Brown issued a mealy mouthed, semi-apology a couple of days later saying he was "saddened" by what happened, but without ever even mentioning Rihanna's name. Did he think the matter should just go away because he apologized? If so, Brown is no better than the serial batterer who keeps telling the spouse, "Gee, honey, I love you. That will never happen again!" Frankly, I was glad to see that two of Brown's big-time endorsement deals (Wrigley's gum and the "Got Milk?" campaign) were pulled after his arrest on assault charges. The investigation, by the way, continues. I wonder if we'll ever see the famous (infamous) Chris Brown in court?

According to battered women's groups that follow such things, reports of dating violence are up nationwide these days. The New York Times reports that serious and permanent injuries, sometimes even death, have been the result more and more often. I wonder if adults are doing enough to counter-balance the explosive celebrity antics our young people see and read about nearly every day. Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Courtney Love, Christian Bale, Dennis Rodman, Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston–all involved in tabloid scream fests and physical confrontations. Do our young people think these kinds of relationships are cool? They can’t possibly mistake violent and abusive behavior for true love, can they?

Several states are stepping up to educate kids who are tethered to the Internet and cell phones in a way that makes harassment so much easier than when we were young and dating. In Texas, where two young girls were murdered by angry boyfriends—one by stabbing, the other by shooting—the school district was ordered to set a strict standard of what constitutes dating violence. In Rhode Island, after 23-year-old Lindsay Anne Burke (pictured left) had her throat slashed by her boyfriend with whom she’d had a “tumultuous two year long relationship,” the state passed a law mandating classes on dating violence for middle and high school students. Indianapolis now trains public school officials to recognize the early signs of abuse following the stabbing and dismemberment of Heather Norris by her boyfriend. In New York City, the Department of Health and Mental Hygiene revealed dating violence (or the reports of it) has gone up 40% since 1999.

And its not just abuse by young men against young women. The bullying, verbal abuse, and physical violence works both ways. It happens when one of the people in a relationship has a fundamental lack of self-esteem, a feeling deep within that this is all they are ever going to get, all they deserve. As with an addiction they keep going back for more and more.

My husband and I once took into our home a woman and her two young sons who were fleeing constant domestic abuse. We helped this forty-something-year-old mother relocate, get a job, some state aid, and get her children into new schools. She was about to move from our place into her own apartment–a first for her. Then, one day we came home and she was gone, returned to the husband who’d beaten her for years. She left us a short note saying, in effect, she knew no other life.

Well, we can help make sure the new generation of young people never thinks like that. Our sons and daughters, nieces and nephews, our grandchildren need to know they are valued human beings who always deserve respect. THEY DON’T HAVE TO SETTLE FOR "LOVE" DISGUISED AS ABUSE. That's what Lindsay Anne Burke settled for, and the so-called "love of her life" murdered her.

The National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline cites a study that found 1 in 5 teenagers say they’ve been physically threatened by someone with whom they are in a serious relationship. At their Web site www.Loveisrespect.org there is a great teaching tool. It’s a list daters can reference to judge the health of their relationships. Sit down with the young person in your life and go over it with them. Does your boyfriend/girlfriend act jealous, put you down, text you excessively, threaten to kill or hurt you or themselves if you leave, try to stop you from talking to family and friends, force sex or hit, slap, or push you?

Whenever I see media coverage of some celebrity couple’s fight, first, I wonder if it’s really true. Maybe it’s a PR fabrication designed to get some media coverage. But isn't that a sick, twisted way to get some attention? In Rihanna's case, when you’re found outside in the dark, bleeding and bitten, that’s no game. For her it would seem its long past the time to learn some self respect and move on. I saw a headline on a supermarket tabloid the other day which supposedly quoted Rihanna: “But I Still Love Him!” Ugh. I hope that’s not true.

Violence at the hands of another is not cool, it never will be! It’s dangerous and self-destructive. Our kids should learn that—from us—before it’s too late.

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Rihanna and Chris Brown Find Women in Crime Ink

Women in Crime Ink’s Susan Murphy-Milano found herself in the thick of the Rihanna/Chris Brown fiasco when she was quoted in over a dozen news and media pieces, including Associated Press, People magazine, and TMZ.com, regarding the domestic violence incident involving the two high-profile entertainers. Murphy-Milano, a violence expert and victim’s advocate, was contacted extensively about her knowledge of domestic violence victims.

The night before the Grammy Awards, Chris Brown allegedly assaulted his long-time girlfriend, pop-star Rihanna, after a pre-Grammy award show at mega-producer Clive Davis’s party. According to news reports, Brown allegedly received a text message that escalated the verbal altercation into a physical assault. Photographs of the pummeled pop-star Rihanna appeared on numerous Web sites this past Thursday, prompting a public outcry and an LAPD internal investigation. Women in Crime Ink declines to publish this photograph due to the nature of the crime.

Although under scrutiny by law enforcement and public opinion, Murphy-Milano does see a positive side to the violent incident, as told to the Associated Press.

"I think she could be a very important voice and a tool for other people," she said of Rihanna. "She could turn this around," Murphy-Milano said, and tell others, " 'Don't be me.' "

This story and others simply show that the contributors of Women in Crime Ink are clearly the experts in the criminal justice field.

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