"Baby, We Will Find You"

by Susan Murphy-Milano

Keighley Ann Alyea went missing from her Overland Park, Kans., apartment on Sunday, Sept. 30. Within hours, unaware she was already dead, family and friends posted a missing person's bulletin and photos on the social-networking site Facebook. The information and offer of a reward spread quickly over the Internet. Strangers answered the plea for help finding the petite 18-year-old by holding prayer vigils in their own communities thousands of miles away.

Several days later, police found Keighley’s abandoned Mazda 626. The following day, the teenager's mother posted a message on Facebook: “Keighley, we are coming for you, baby. We will find you!”

But on Tuesday, Oct. 6, police reported Keighley's body was found in a Missouri farm field. They charged three young men with first-degree murder, aggravated kidnapping and aggravated robbery in her death. Family said Keighley had dated one of the men, 18-year-old Dustin Hilt, for about two years.

The couple broke up sometime last year; a friend said Keighley broke off the relationship because “he just wasn’t a good guy.” Hilt reportedly beat Keighley, and she told friends she was afraid of him.

Although the relationship appeared to be over, several friends say it was an on-again, off-again romance. According to one close friend, “Keighley had a very hard time saying no to him.” A few weeks before she disappeared, Hilt was reportedly tapping on her bedroom window in the middle of the night, calling and texting her constantly, and following Keighley around town. Sometime after the official break-up, Hilt had Keighley's name tattooed on his arm. All of Hilt's actions indicated he was dangerously and unpredictably obsessed with a young woman who'd rejected him.

According to her uncle, during the ride out of town sometime after Keighley was attacked and kidnapped, she regained consciousness, giving the three suspects a chance to get her medical help and maybe save her life. Instead, he said, they decided to "finish killing her."

If I had to guess, few people, including Keighley's mother and father, knew the extent of Hilt’s obsessive contact with their daughter. Most teens don't tell their parents about being harassed or stalked; instead, like Keighley, they confide in close friends. Sometimes young women who break off relationships don't recognize danger signs and instead expect former boyfriends will eventually give up and move on with their lives. They believe they have the situation is under control.

But they don't. If they are being stalked, they are in danger.

Stalking is defined as repeated, unwanted pursuit behaviors (such as following, watching, phone calls, and e-mails) that seem obsessive and make someone afraid or concerned for their safety. October happens to be National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. But 20 years after I began my work in this arena -- after my father murdered my mother -- we are still no closer to addressing this epidemic.

The laws created to protect victims of stalking and domestic violence were not signed into effect with ink but with the blood of all those whose cries for help fell on deaf ears. If you have school age children, and they are dating or have recently broken off a relationship, keep the door to communication open with your child. Find out if the person is treating them with respect. If the relationship has ended, ask whether they continue to receive phone calls, texts or e-mails begging to get back together.

If you are a friend or relative, encourage teens to tell their parents; strongly suggest parents convince their teens to see people who can help them. Go to your local police department, ask to speak to an officer or detective, and have them document your concerns as often as possible. If she is afraid, have your teenager get help by talking to a professional therapist or a psychiatrist.

The final entry on Keighley's Facebook page was from a man who will never see his daughter graduate from college. He won't see her marry, nor will he be waiting at a hospital to meet his first grandchild. To him, she'll always be as she was the day he learned of her murder.

“Keighley, we will never forget you and we will make sure no one else does either, love DAD.”

Tweet

Domestic Violence? Cut It Out

by Donna Pendergast

October is recognized nationally as Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The month-long focus on domestic violence is intended to educate the public and emphasize the need for community involvement in efforts intended to reduce domestic violence.

A national nonprofit organized as the Salons Against Domestic Abuse Fund has a unique domestic violence education and awareness program called Cut It Out, which has been successfully implemented in beauty salons around the country. Recognizing that often times women in abusive relationships need help but don't know where to turn, Cut It Out trains salon professionals how to recognize the warning signals of domestic violence and safely refer clients to local resources.

The premise behind Cut It Out is based on the recognition that women often form a close bond based on trust with their hair stylists. Stylists see their clients regularly, month after month, year after year, and are personally interested in them and their lives. The nature of the job dictates that stylists be good listeners and often times lengthy and personal conversations occur during the hair-styling process where women confide things that they may not tell anyone else.

Cut It Out seeks to ensure that stylists know what to do with the potentially dangerous confidences that may be revealed during these conversations. The stylists are not trained to become counselors nor to insert themselves in the situation, which could put both sides at risk, but rather to ensure that the client has the information that she may need to take herself out of the situation.

The program also recognizes that often times the salon is a safe environment and may be one of the few places where an abused woman is allowed to go alone. Often women who are abused are watched and followed by their abusers and have found that the hair salon is an acceptable excuse where they can safely get away from a dangerous situation. Placing resources in these locations ensures that the information is able to make its way to those most in need.

The hands-on nature of the contact between a stylist and a client also uniquely positions the stylist to be able to see signs of domestic violence that may not be visible to the average person. Bruises on a clients head or areas where hair has been ripped out of her scalp may indicate to the stylist that there is a serious problem at home.

The educational component of the Cut It Out program consists of seminars that provide salon professionals with information about domestic violence and teach them how to respond to a client who might be a victim of abuse. These seminars are targeted towards cosmetology schools and ongoing education for salon professionals to better equip stylists to respond to instances of potential domestic violence.

The salons also participate in the program by creating a safe and inviting environment that is intended to encourage clients to ask for information on domestic violence. Salons are asked to hang posters with awareness information in private areas of the salon and safety card kits small enough to be hidden inside of a women's shoe are distributed at the salons by being placed at stylist stations or in the ladies room. These trifold cards about the size of a business card list important information including what to do if your partner becomes violent and a toll-free number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

In August, Empire Education Group, the nation's largest group of corporate owned cosmetology schools, launched a national anti-domestic violence campaign called Empire Gives Back, which will benefit communities nationwide by supporting the Cut It Out program. Empire is coordinating a national roll out of the Cut It Out program to all 87 of its schools across the country. This means that the program will reach more than eleven-thousand students annually.

Empire is also working with the U.S. Attorneys Office to adopt a local domestic violence support organization within proximity to each Empire school. Clients seeking support from these adopted support organizations will also become eligible to receive financial assistance to attend any Empire Beauty School in the country.

To further prove that Empire is putting its money where its mouth is (or where its scissors are), this past Saturday the company held its annual Day of Beauty. All proceeds from hair, skin, and nail services taken in on that day will be used to benefit the Cut It Out program.

Since its inception, the Cut It Out program has enlisted the support of more than 40,000 salon professionals and has distributed more than 400,000 posters and 3,000,000 safety cards. This initiative "thinks outside the box" while providing a innovative way to help end the fear and pain of domestic violence. That's an agenda we all should support.

Statements made in this post are my own and not intended to reflect the views, opinions, or position of the Michigan Attorney General or the Michigan Department of Attorney General.

Tweet